Monday, 7 November 2016

Day 822 - Dare to Play

What does the word play represent to me?

How am I living the word play?

The dictionary definition states:
  • To engage in activity for the purpose of enjoyment, rather than seriousness or practicality. 
For me the word play makes me smile, it brings up an experience of mischievousness within me, where I would like to run around and skip and jump, and just make everything fun.

The word brings up within me the experience of positivity, or just not wanting to not be too serious and just have fun, laugh and joke around, make others smile.

Whilst I am here looking at this word I am comfortable with it, I like it, it sits well with me.

Why can't one have fun and playfulness even when being practical, it is possible for these two words to exist together.  PracTICKLE,,,playfulness. 

'Let's  play'  -  I like to approach everything with this 'ethos'  even in work, a memory comes up of when I was going to a meeting and I knew it was going to be 'boring' as I had defined it, and expected it to be, I would put a playful slant on it, and then later on regret doing so, as maybe my boss or others didn't get my expression and silliness.

There existed within me at this time a need to make others laugh, to enjoy the moments with me, of the playfulness/silliness that I was indulging in, I wanted to bathe in playfulness and silliness, and would encourage others to do the same, and then 'feel' disappointed when they didn't 'feel' me in the same way.  

As I am typing this I am smiling, because playfulness is who I am and have been.  The part of me that doesn't take life too seriously.   But PP ( pre process ) I didn't see/realise and understand that this playfulness was steeped in energy.  Where I would become overexcited, and twitchy within myself, like I couldn't contain the excitement within and as me at that time.  I remember being told to " settle down" by my parents, because I would bounce off the walls with excitement.  Now a days I am sure I would be have been diagnosed as ADD.  I couldn't focus on anything for too long, I just wanted to play and 'mess around'


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place judgement upon myself throughout life for enjoying myself, and within this create a belief that I didn't deserve to be playful - " life is not to be enjoyed, life is hard" and within this I have no 'right' to enjoy myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the part of me that is playful, as not acceptable, based on how I experienced myself as guilt. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I am too old to enjoy myself, to be silly or playful, because of what I have been told and programmed in, as being  a sensible adult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear/paranoia reaction that I have said the wrong thing, in jest, as silliness, and then within this worry that I have upset the other person, because in that moment they weren't 'feeling' me, so to speak. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stifle that part of me that is playfulness, in fear of how I could be received by others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me, that is based in guilt that I do not deserve to enjoy myself, when so many others suffer.  Thus I forgive myself that I haven't seen/realised and understood how I am creating the very outflow of my guilt that is seen in this world as life, as hardship and misery, because I am afraid to enjoy/ express myself.   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bounce between energies of happiness and sadness, and within this create consequences within and as my own physical body, as a point of self sabotage. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to revert to a state of foreboding within and as me, because I have created a belief within and as me that life is sad, hard and no fun.

I forgive myself that I haven't seen/realised and understood how it is possible to have fun and be playful when one is being practical, and that it is possible for the two words to exist simultaneously within and as me.

I commit myself to live the word play, as total enjoyment of all that  I do in life, in every moment of breath, and to remind myself that life is only hard if I make it so, through my direct participation in thoughts feelings and emotions - and that true playfulness is me expressing myself as life, in awe and wonder of all that exists, and within this living in complete oneness and equality with all that is here, as the wonder and awe of myself as life.

I commit myself to become playful in my practicalness, and practical in my playfulness, by enjoying each and every moment of breath.  I commit myself to let go, with forgiveness, the experience of believing that I need to be serious, and that I cannot enjoy myself because of others suffering in this world.  I commit myself  to keep reminding myself that the very 'act' of me being serious and going off into my mind in guilt and regret is in fact keeping the very system of inequality in force.