Wednesday, 19 October 2016

Day 819 - Slowing Down and Paying Attention

I have been aware of this point for sometime now, and that is the point on not actually paying attention, and rushing through things, to get them done.

There are and have been moments where I miss things, whereby someone is speaking to me and giving me some instructions, and my mind wanders and I find I have to stop them and ask them to repeat.  I used to define myself as someone that had a short attention span, until I became self honest and accepted responsibility for the pattern and worked to stop it.

I understand now, how with the tools of self forgiveness, I am able to stop the mind from wandering for too long, and regain my attention span.

I have to gone into a room and thought "now what did I come in here for? - this happens to me from time to time, but on the whole I have walked out of this pattern - of allowing myself to have a memory like a Goldfish, because I told myself that I couldn't remember things for more than a few minutes, and within this I would tell myself that I bore easily, and it is just who I am. " I am a creative person" and creative people use another side of the brain, so can't really help the inability to hold it together on a practical level. Literally defining and molding myself in this way, and making excuses for my poor lack of attention.

But something interesting happened to me over the last few days, and what it brought home to me is how being pre-occupied by the mind, means you actually create the sensation of 'boredom'.  Because you are creating energy within yourself, and this in itself can be tiring. Then within this you experience yourself as 'lack luster'  constantly looking for that next moment where you can feel that energy high again.

For the last few days I have not even been aware of the time of day, and I see that this is because I am not wishing my time/life away.  I have started to enjoy each moment by focusing on what is here and not drifting off to the next moment, and within this clock watching.

When ever a thought pops up or I start to drift off in my mind in the middle of doing something that can be a bit repetitive.  I remind/commit myself to stop and breathe, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself, within and as the mind, take myself off on a journey away from what is going on practically around me, as a form of entertainment.

So as I continue to bring myself here within and as the breath, and forgive each moment that comes up within me where I am tempted to 'drift off' and within this it is getting easier to remain focused and pay attention, and I find I am missing far less than I was before, and I am experiencing myself as more awake, with more energy in my body as motivation to do more.